hai

27/8/2014 12.56pm

So its been awhile since I wrote anything. Literally anything at all. This whole internship phase got me thinking. About my work, my self satisfaction, my wealth, what I really want in life. And browsing proudduck and any other career-job-well-done women blog and instagram doesn’t make any of them better. Being and over-thinker and over achiever always has its down side. ALWAYS I tell you.

 Internship never been better. Same old same old like 3 years ago. But sure this time I do get my self satisfaction meter a bit full. Being the only intern in this unit. Make me the spotlight of this team and also makes me their dumpster for all the reports and hanky panky doer. But whatever, doing unnecessary thing (which I thought at first) is actually a very good thing. And save my ass countless time during evaluation from my faculty supervisor. I couldn’t say how much I thanked my current supervisor for piling me with all those reports, graph, trends and every boring things you can do on excel. In other hand, I do sharpen my microsoft office skill. A LOT. I can draft 16 graph in less than 2 hours now.

Okay, im blabbering right now. I was suppose to write about something more interesting than internship. But I cant quite express it through my writing. Or because I just don’t have enough vocabs to support my story. Thus, this boring post happen.  I wanted to post this on blogspot, but my blog keep on updating itself with Viagra post and other sex related matter. Stupid blog. Horny I guess.

So, my colleuges has been out for breakfast since 8.30am. and still not in until now(12.43pm). but whatever, I don’t really care. Hahaha. Ignorant intern.

Its gonna be my final year this September. Being a bachelor student. Ahh, how time passed. I will miss being a student. When going to class is actually an options for me, meeting friends, eating,  swimming, and all those extra activities that I love to engaged myself in. I am not a girly-girl. Thus, this uneven skin tone, this not so lean body, this unmanicured nails, this awful wardrobe and many more. Although I thought it’s a good thing that im cool liddis, but deep inside I know that I need to change. I HAVE to change. Even if my nature of works doesn’t allowed me too, or doesn’t encouraged (I cant imagined rocking a stiletto on site) I believe I need to look good for myself. I have enough of (biasalah izni, so sloppy. Nak tau Izni yg mana, msti dia pakai baju besar with selekeh tudung) I have reputation liddat. But I just don’t know where to start or how to begin.  Just like when I wanted to start eat clean, when I started to work out, I know I need to do all of that but I just don’t know how. Yes, google stuff. Everything is just a click away. But u don’t just change everything by reading. Ass. I know that, because I read. A WHOLE LOT of reading. I know exactly everything. BUT, I cant figure how or when to start. I need courage, I need partner, I need companion. Just one or two. I do have friends now, but sometimes you don’t share all your insecurities with them. Its not them, its me. Because im not cool enough to show them my weakness. To show them how I’ll breakdown and cry. Because I’ve always been the muscle, the strength. But now I want to be the princess, the cotton, the pink.