negativity

ola adios amigos aku berambus.

alaa dont la act all cool like you never heard that before in your childhood. bleghh. BORINGGG

by the way, i just realised that i'm a negative person. not a pessimist type. just negative.
i always blabber about how i hate this, despise that,
(sudden humming sound in my ears right now. i'm getting deaf)
cont. and dont let me start about the complaining! i complaint alot!!! i started to think that my bf left me because i like to complaint. i always believe in hate at the first sight. not so romantic. i know.

but, neither of you know that i like to think alot too!! a whole lot of thinking unnecessary things until i dont even start with my final year project. see, how much i love all of the people around me. pay respect(or meal) will do. (bow now slaves!!)

case 1

My bf lost his mother because of cancer relapsed. and being on the edge for ages (2 months). so ive been on an eggshells since forever. (believe me i fell like forever for not being able to joke around him, to always be cautious of whatever I'm saying). and to make it better (worse perhaps) he is the oldest, so he does all the chores. and have to spend his time with his siblings. being a clingy gf as always, i cant stand the dont call now, cant text, need to do laundry, etc etc. so i burst out. seriously it was the worst, and i was doing my internship at that time, and it doesnt help much. when he wants to talk, I'm somewhere in the middle of nowhere doing electrical inspection. when I'm home, I'm too tired to even plug in my phone.

the end, thats how we become ex's.

okay,  not funny. and not real.

after I've started my semester, and talked to my friends they said that I'm ignorant bitch who doesnt deserve a good man like him. (i need new friend).

so i start thinking, a whole fu lot of it. and its strike me. what will i do if anything happened to mama. or my family. will i be buzy texting with my girlfriend pouring my heart out about how sad i am because of my loss? will i be calling my girlfriend hereafter to know about her day, about her exciting same routine inspection everyday? taking her lunch when i should be picking up my brother and sister from school? while i should worry about how can i manage to put food on the table with my one hand(he had an accident, almost cost him his fingers). and alottt more of thinking until i fall asleep. then i realise, sometime by not being there is the best thing that i can ever do to him. so i let loose. so i set him free. set his priority right. his family. not me, i still have both of my parents.

so i let that pass, slowly those negativity fades, no longer angry texts about how he should treat me, no more sarcasm comments about how he should his phone for ignoring my call.

I have never been happier
have a good life sweetheart. you earn it more than anyone else :)

---olive green converse, 6 years and more to come